How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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