I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
