I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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