I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
