Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
