I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
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