Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
