im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
