dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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