what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
