I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
