hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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