need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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