About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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