the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
