wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
