dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
