her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
