I'm sorry my penis didn't work
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize