Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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