Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
