i wish there were pregnant emoticons
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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