he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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