so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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