alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just threw up on my dentist
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
