11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
People with herpes should wear stickers.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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