JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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