Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize