if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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