They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
