NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
