I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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