he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize