I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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