No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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