Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
