So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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