was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
