she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
