Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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