This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
