Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
