Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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