Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
