I have demons in me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
