i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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