i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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