Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
