I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
