so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
