it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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