I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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