He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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