I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
