Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
