every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
