All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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