Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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