I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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