i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I just sharted jello shots
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