I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
