remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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