I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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