Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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