we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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