I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
