You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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