is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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