i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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