Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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