She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
