I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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