I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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