I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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