She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
