dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
