Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
