don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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