Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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