I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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