my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
