Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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